


From the Penthouse to the Holy Martyr

by notearchiver



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels, Christianity, M/M, Politics, Religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 14:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13032666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notearchiver/pseuds/notearchiver
Summary: James Comey is one of Heaven's top SDOEs (Spiritual Defenders of Earth). His mission? Prevent America's fall into totalitarianism (and then get the fuck back to Heaven). But God loves throwing curveballs, and Trump isn't the only obstacle he has to deal with.





	From the Penthouse to the Holy Martyr

**Author's Note:**

  * For [subito](https://archiveofourown.org/users/subito/gifts).



> Title from "People Live Here" by Rise Against. Notes on religious and historical references are at the bottom.
> 
> Subito, your prompt about Comey as the great defender of Justice was too good to pass up. Enjoy.

Jim gritted his teeth and jerkily turned around three times, stomping perfunctorily on the lamb femur he had bought yesterday at the pet boutique. Sometimes you followed the rituals to summon demons, sometimes to see your dead mother. And sometimes it was to contact your Heavenly bosses who had a warped sense of humor.

The Ikea mirror shimmered to reveal Uriel, paunchy face creased in a frown. "James Comey, we were not to speak for a fortnight more. You have usurped Christopher's time. What is of such importance that you have called upon me?"

"Sir, there has been an unsettling development in my mission that I thought pertinent to report to you." Jim forced a smile. Uriel grew haughtier every century, it seemed. Surely he wasn't this bad when they worked together during the time of Henry VIII?

"Ananias!" Saul materialized from behind Uriel's wings, his bald head appearing to glint in the fluorescent lights of Jim's attic. "Bend down so I can see you, you bastard!"

Jim bent at the knees. "It's James now, Saul. I haven't been Ananias since 36 C.E." He smiled for real. "But it's good to see you, too, even if you do get my name wrong every damn time."

"Paul, please show some of the decorum I know you acquired since Tarsus," Uriel said. He stretched his wings. On Michael it was intimidating; not so much on the portly Uriel. He turned his attention back to the attic. "As you were saying, James."

"Someone new has entered the race." Jim raised the newspaper the lamb femur had been wrapped in so Uriel could read it.

DONALD TRUMP DECLARES CANDIDACY

"And you are telling me because?"

Relegated to the edge of the mirror, Saul waved, then disappeared in a small puff of smoke.

"In the case that others become aware of events – as you must remember with the Dissolution – it's best that they know ahead of time. I would not care for another—"

"You will not interfere, James," Uriel said. "It is not yet time."

Jim's lips thinned. It was as if he didn't have a three thousand year resume of solid work. (The Jean d'Arc fiasco did not count. He really hadn't meant for it to go that far.)

"When will I know it is time?"

"You will know. Now, if that is all?"

Jim nodded even as the newspaper clenched in his fist. "Yes, sir."

"Then we will speak at are next _appointed_ time. Three years from now according to my records. Do not be early."

Uriel made the sign of the cross, which Jim hastily copied. The image in the mirror changed to his visage before he could finish. The bastard.

Sighing, Jim picked up the lamb femur from the floor and tossed it in the garbage bin to join a pile of dusty bones. It was time to get back to work.

\-----

**The Official Handbook for Spiritual Defenders of Earth: 20th ed.**  
 _Chapter I: A History of the League of the Spiritual Defenders of Earth_

Our Heavenly Father, in his first week as King of Heaven and Earth, founded the League of the Spiritual Defenders of Earth (LOSDOE). The first member was the cherubim guarding the entrance to the Garden of Evil [1]. Over time, the LOSDOE expanded to include additional classes of the Angelic Hierarchy[2]. The 12 Apostles became the first of those born in human flesh to become Spiritual Defenders of Earth (SDOE). Those now known as "saints" were inducted shortly thereafter.

[…]

[1] cf. Genesis 3:24.  
[2] Our Heavenly Father, in the year three hundred and seventy eight AD, through the power of the Holy Spirit, gifted the knowledge of the Angelic Hierarchy to Clement. Over the centuries, the Heavenly Father has introduced the canons of Ambrose, Jerome, and Thomas Aquinas. All of those blessed with the knowledge have since joined the LOSDOE.

\-----

TRUMP ELECTED

Jim hovered his cursor over _SEARCH JOBS_ on the FBI homepage. How long would it take for his job to appear as a listing, another bureaucratic piece of red tape to satisfy democracy until Trump appointed his successor?

\-----

The drive to the nearest Exxon Mobile was a blur of green lights and streetlamps, shadows on corners and rumbling wheels on pavement. Jim pulled into the station, put the car into reverse, and backed into the corner by the air pump. The FBI-issued black Honda melted into the shadows, bulletproof glass dissolving into darkness.

His laptop lay next to him, and Jim knew he should be documenting the meeting, but Christ…

He flexed his hands then folded them, absently noting the slight swelling in his joints, the loose skin where finger rested against finger.

It wasn't something he did often. There was no point in bothering Him. But…He let his head thump against the steering wheel, no longer caring to keep his usual upright posture.

"Lord," he whispered, "I hope there are tapes." An emergency siren wafted over his head. "Or something to get me out of this damn mess."

There was no answer. There never was.

Jim opened the laptop and pulled up a new Word file. On the taskbar, the icon for his personal e-mail blinked with an unread message.

\-----

**From:** Bob Mueller  
 **To:** Jim Comey  
 **Subject:** Dinner?  
Jan 27

Jim,

I'm in the area for business and thought of your onion rings. Any chance you can take a break from all those pressing national security concerns and have dinner? I was thinking your house, 8pm tomorrow. You provide the meatloaf and onion rings, I'll take care of the cheap wine.

Bob

\-----

_Chapter XII: Fraternization Rules_

36.00

> Spiritual Defenders of Earth are not to engage in relationships with souls tied to sinful, mortal flesh.

36.01 

> Rule 36 shall forthwith apply to platonic, romantic, and sexual relationships with women.[1] Any SDOE found to be guilty of engaging in a relationship with a mortal woman shall be stripped of their station until such a time that Michael finds them to be worthy once more.

36.02 

> 36.01 hereby applies to relationships between an SDOE presenting in the likeness of Adam and a mortal made in the likeness of Adam.[2] Any SDOE who is found guilty of engaging in a relationship with a mortal while presenting as the same sex of said mortal shall be cast out of Heaven and made to live as a mortal in the likeness of Adam.

36.03 

> 36.01 hereby applies to relationships between an SDOE presenting in the likeness of Eve and a mortal made in the likeness of Eve.[3] Any SDOE who is found to be guilty of said sin will face the punishment declared in 36.02.

[1] c.f. _The Holy Declaration on Sinful Relationships as Applied to the Spiritual Defenders of Earth_ issued in the thirty third year of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, son of Mary and Joseph.  
[2] c.f. _An Amendment to the Holy Declaration on Sinful Relationships as Applied to the Spiritual Defenders of Earth in the Likeness of Adam_ issued in the year of Our Lord three hundred and forty two.  
[3] c.f. _An Amendment to the Holy Declaration on Sinful Relationships as Applied to Spiritual Defenders of Earth in the Likeness of Adam_ issued in the year of Our Lord eleven fifty one. 

\-----

**From:** Jim Comey  
 **To:** Bob Mueller  
 **Subject:** RE: Dinner?  
May 7

Sorry I took so long to get back to you. Does tonight work for you?

Jim.

[show quoted text]  


>   
> 
> 
> Jim,
> 
> I'm in the area for business and thought of your onion rings. Any chance you can take a break from all those pressing national security concerns and have dinner? I was thinking your house, 8pm tomorrow. You provide the meatloaf and onion rings, I'll take care of the cheap wine.
> 
> Bob

  


\-----

Sitting across the table from him, Bob looked much like he had years ago when he sat behind the Director's desk for the last time and told Jim to do what he needed to do, not what the President needed him to do. It was advice Jim had absorbed and lived by, more so since 45's swearing-in ceremony than ever before.

Back then, Bob preferred navy suits to the black he wore now, but the worn leather shoes were the same and so was the white-dotted tie.

So was the way he set his jaw when smiling, the slight droop of his right eyelid, the lines crinkling his forehead.

"How does it feel, being set free?" Bob asked.

Jim shrugged. "I imagine that one day I'll make peace with it, but now?" He sighed. "It's not exactly how I planned the future."

The future he had planned involved saving the United States and getting back to Heaven. When Michael had assigned him to Uriel's USA special task force, he had been excited for a change in scenery after centuries of lifetimes spent in Europe and the Middle East. Now? Not so much.

It had quickly become apparent to Jim that his task was nebulous and perhaps not entirely necessary. Bush, Clinton, Bush, and Obama hadn't left him fearing for America's future, and in consequence he had floated between goals, never quite knowing which way to navigate. And then Trump happened and suddenly there was a reason he was on Earth. It was complicated, but there was a goal in sight.

And then Trump fired him.

Jim drained his wine glass, grimacing at the taste. Bob smirked.

"I know you swore off the private sector when you became Director, but I think you'll like it compared to the constant disarray in Washington. Besides, it will be years before you're fully out of their clutches."

"Oh?"

"There will be a hearing, of course. There's always a hearing."

Jim picked up his empty plate and brought it to the sink. "Right. That sounds lovely," he said dryly.

He heard Bob chuckle behind him, and he wished he could see it, wished he could capture it in the cinnamon sugar shaker and sprinkle it on his toast on the mornings he didn't want to leave the house.

"Just wait. I bet you anything I'll be pulled into it too."

\-----

_Chapter VIII: It Is Finished: The Heavenly Tug_

Upon completion of the assigned task, the Spiritual Defender of Earth is to return to Heaven in a timely manner and report to their supervisor. In the case of a delinquent SDOE, the supervisor has the power to activate the Heavenly Tug. The Heavenly Tug compels the SDOE to immediately contact their supervisor and explain their behavior. The supervisor has the discretion as to the outcome of the Tug.

\-----

TRUMP INDICTED

Jim fed the paper to the fire, picked up his wine glass from where he had set it on the hearth, and settled into his armchair. Bob smiled faintly.

"You'll be moving away I take it? Leaving the swamp?"

"I imagine so."

"I've always pictured you in Colorado, Wyoming, maybe."

"I was thinking Russia. Maybe a stopover in Germany," Jim joked, rolling the stem of his glass between his fingers.

"Well that is one way to leave." Bob sighed and leaned back in the armchair. The firelight cast shadows across his right cheek, thinning his face and unravelling a decade of time woven through his skin.

Leaving was one way to put the Heavenly tug. How would he die this time? The classic beheading? Perhaps heart failure. No, in this climate it would probably be a Russian bullet, his blood splattered against the dull grey of a hotel room's wall that never quite managed to make it out of the Soviet era.

Bob raised his wine glass in a toast. "To the future, wherever that may be on God's fine Earth." He took a sip. Jim copied the gesture. "When do you expect to go?"

"Two, maybe three weeks?" Surely less time than that, though when his death would happen Jim didn't know. "I'm thinking of listing the house next week."

"It'll be off the market in days I'm sure. The man who bought my old place said he goes for places owned by FBI and CIA men; he thinks we have hidden rooms full of paper copies of secret data to keep safe from the Russians. Complete bull, of course."

Well, Jim thought, the attic room wasn't exactly hidden, but secrets it did hide.

"You mean the trapdoor in my fireplace is imaginary?" he joked.

"That's the ash pit," Bob said. He set down his glass and massaged his temples. "Three weeks, Jim?"

"I never was one to stay still unless tied down, Bob," Jim said, but he knew what the man meant.

"No, you never did." Bob stood, and as if Uriel had intervened to slow down time, he walked towards Jim, who stood in turn.

"What is this, Bob?"

"A good memory." The fire crackled in the background, reflecting in Bob's eyes.

Jim bent his head. "Okay," he said, "a memory to keep me warm during Siberian winters." But as his nose bumped Bob's, he knew it was more than that. It was a sin.

A sin, yes, but wasn't a sin just another word for an anchor wrapped around his hidden wings, dragging him to the ground?

\-----

Jim awoke to the faint light of dawn filtering through the sheer blinds covering his bedroom window and the weight of Uriel's will tugging insistently at his soul. He rolled out of bed, pulling on his flannel bed pants and tucking his cellphone in the pocket by habit.

Bob lay on the other side of the bed, still sleeping soundly. His right hand rested on top of the covers, cradling them close to his face as if it were Jim sleeping in his arms.

Jim turned away, following the Heavenly pull to the attic door. The retinal scanner on the wall blinked to life, red light cascading across left eyeball. The door opened with a click.

The mirror hung in the same skewed position as always, and as Jim went through the familiar motions of the ritual, he wondered if Bob had woken yet to find him gone.

Jim stomped on the bone and the mirror shimmered to reveal Uriel.

Jim bowed. "Sir."

Uriel beckoned him closer, and Jim approached until he was an arm's length from the mirror. The angel frowned at his attire, but didn't comment on it.

"James, it is time to return. Your assignment is finished."

"There is still much to do," Jim averred. He nudged the broken femur with his foot until the splintered bone rolled across the sloped floor, looking over Uriel's shoulder where Saul had once appeared, so long before the entire mess.

"You are to come home, Ananias!" The mirror rippled with the force of Uriel's command, heavenly light skittering over the attic beams.

Jim thought of Bob sitting in his study, sheaf of papers on his desk. He thought of unfolding the paper and passing the headlines across the kitchen table each morning. Of tracing the lines and folds on skin weathered by dark winters and humid DC summers.

Jim closed his eyes, stood straighter.

"No. My job is not yet done."

"You know what this means, Ananias."

"It's Jim, Uriel."

Uriel sighed, wings folding in. "So be it. May the Lord bless you and keep you, may His face shine upon you and be gracious unto you, may he look upon you with favor and give you peace. Amen."

The mirror rippled, distorting the sign of the cross, and shattered.

"Amen," Jim whispered. He turned to the attic door. "Amen."

His cell phone vibrated and he pulled it out.

Bob Mueller: _How do you work your coffee maker?_

Jim closed the attic door behind him. He didn't notice the retinal scanner shimmer out of existence.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Notes:** Some of these references and notes are more researched than others. I make no claims to be perfectly accurate (especially in the case of Roman decrees). References are listed in order of appearance.
> 
> \----
> 
> Comey references several events in the history of the Christian Church that he, as an SDOE, participated in. In order of appearance, they are Henry VIII break with the Roman Catholic Church and the formation of the Anglican Church, the conversion of Saul of Tarsus on the road to Damascus, Ananias of Damascus restoring Saul's eyesight, the dissolution of the monasteries in England, and the trial of Joan of Arc.
> 
> \----
> 
> _The Official Handbook for Spiritual Defenders of Earth_  
>  _Chapter I_
> 
> [1] Genesis 3:24, King James Version – So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.  
> [2] The first known standardized Angelic Hierarchy traced back to the first century _Apostolic Constitutions_ which was passed down by Clement of Rome (Pope Clement I). Other interpretations of the Angelic Hierarchy are in writings by Saint Ambrose, Saint Jerome, and Saint Thomas Aquinas.
> 
> \----
> 
> James Comey's [first tweet](https://twitter.com/Comey/status/847590025223188480) included a link to fbijobs.gov.
> 
> \----
> 
> November 20th, 2017: James Comey tweeted a [picture](https://twitter.com/Comey/status/929123355139207168) of onion rings he made for his wife's birthday.
> 
> \----
> 
>  
> 
> _The Official Handbook for Spiritual Defenders of Earth_  
>  _Chapter XII_
> 
>  
> 
> [1] A reference to Mary Magdalene, follower of Jesus who is famously known for washing the feet of Jesus. She is often cast as the temptress.  
> [2] In 342 Emperor Constatius II, decreed the death penalty to any man who, in the guise of a woman, married a woman. The decree was codified in the _Codex Theodosianus_ in 429.  
>  [3] The mystic Hildegard von Bingen condemned relationships between women in _Scivias_ , her book of visions.
> 
> \----
> 
> When contemplating his "death", Comey references his time as the following people:
> 
>  _Thomas Darcy, the 1st Baron Darcy of Darcy_ He opposed Comwell, Henry VIII, and the Dissolution of the Monasteries. In 1537 he was charged with high treason and beheaded for his role in the uprising against Henry VIII's break with the Roman Catholic Church.
> 
>  _Pierre Cauchon_ The Bishop in charge of Jean d'Arc's trial, he was later excommunicated. He died of a 'heart failure' in 1442.


End file.
